On growing up

I’ve been a bad, bad blogger.

The last few days had me miserable with allergies and a nasty cold simultaneously. Tons of congestion, constant sneezing and runny nose, and 2 kids sick with the same. On top of my two bonus girls being over.

It was all I could do to make it through the day without passing out on the couch from allergy meds.

And blogging? Forget about it. My brain was too fuzzy.

We lived off of leftovers and tacos. I’m told the tacos were good…I couldn’t taste them.

Hubby, of course, managed to avoid getting sick. Again. Some times that annoys me. Why should I be the only one to suffer with the kids?

But then I remember that Hubby is the KING of the man cold. Give that man a sniffle and he needs a ten hour nap to get through the day. NO THANK YOU.

Finally feeling human again today. Still a little stuffy, but hey…allergy season. I’ll survive.

On top of my cold, I’ve been feeling extra emotional lately. Batman has two…yes, TWO more days left of preschool. THAT’S IT. Graduation ceremony next week….

I AM SO NOT READY.

Don’t get me wrong. I am SO excited to see them grow and learn and get bigger. I swell with pride every time they reach a new milestone or learn something new. But there’s this little bitty part of me that gets sad too, knowing that they’re one small step closer to not needing me anymore.

I feel so blindsided by the whole thing. What happened to my teeny little man? It’s so strange because I’ve been home with him since he was born. So the thought of him being in school every day of the week…I had a hard enough time letting go 2 mornings a week for preschool!

He’s ready, of course. He’s polite and knows his letters, can write his name, can count and add, and will talk your EAR off about dinosaurs far better than most adults can. It’s just sad to think that he needs me less, you know? And it makes me panic a little bit. If he grew up this fast…won’t Bug grow up that fast too? And baby #3, when the time comes? What happens when they’re all off to school and don’t need me as much anymore? Then what do I do? By that time, I’ll have been unemployed  a homemaker for goodness knows how long (4 1/2 years to current date). Will I have to find a job with a big employment gap? Do I just volunteer with their schools and clubs? Keep doing in home daycare after my kids are off in their class? I know I’ve got time…but I thought I had time before school, too…and look how fast that flew!

The truth is, being home with the kids…my kids…my bonus kids…has been the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done with my life. It’s stressful, and high energy, and frustrating, and overwhelming some days. But it brings me so much joy and love and laughter, and I will miss it like crazy once its gone.

So grow babies. Grow and learn and become the amazing kids and teens and adults that I know you’ll be. Enjoy school and sports and friends and life. But take your time. Grow slowly and gracefully. Relish each stage. And find a way to always need me a little. I’m sure always going to need you.

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