To conceive or not to conceive

It’s happening again.

I’ve got baby fever, y’all. HARD CORE, relentless gimme-that-newborn-so-I-can-sniff-it baby fever.

Here I am 20 days out from my 29th birthday, two kids in and DYING for a third.

There’s just one problem.

My little sister’s getting married. Next June. And I’m her matron of honor.

If it wasn’t for this wedding, that IUD would be out and we’d be baby making right now. RIGHT NOW. But now, I’m struggling.

Is there some kind of etiquette with this?

I feel like no option is really all of that great. Say I get pregnant now. Then I’ve got a teeny tiny newborn that’s either crying in the pews or hubby misses the ceremony. I get to pray I don’t go off like a squirt gun and nail the bride in the head with milk at the alter the second I hear them peep (how’s that picture? You’re welcome). Likely be tired and have to leave the ceremony early…that’s clearly no bueno.

Say it takes me a few months to get pregnant. Then I’m a house at her wedding. The big giant house wrapped in tulle behind the teeny tiny bride. Waddling down the aisle with my swollen ankles and sciatic nerve pain. Praying I can make it through the toast without needing to pee. And forget having a drink with that toast… So this option isn’t looking pretty either.

If I wait until it’s ALMOST wedding time? Then at least my dress will fit, and I’ll be slightly less house-like. But early pregnancy symptoms with all of the month before wedding rush doesn’t exactly thrill me either. Hello, nausea.

So that leaves waiting. SO HARD. Because I REALLY want that baby. I love my family SO much. We just don’t feel “complete” yet, you know? Everyone we know is expecting or just had new babies. (Seriously, it feels like everyone except me is pregnant. It’s crazy). And I see hubby’s eyes light up when the little baby at our son’s taekwondo classes chews on her little perfect baby feet. I feel so overwhelmingly pulled to have a third that it hurts. My uterus is crying, people. It feels painful to have to wait. Plus, that puts us at next June. Which will put me at 30. Not the end of the world, I know. And lots of people wait, yadda yadda. It’s just that I thought I’d be done with pregnancies by 30. That was our plan. 3 babies by 30. Then done. I know how lucky I am to be able to have that decision to make, so it feels silly to even be whining. But what if I wait and things get complicated and we can’t conceive? Is that a silly fear?

Waiting seems like the practical option, but does it need to be practical? Would being pregnant at the wedding really be the end of the world? Should I be consulting her? Why is this so big in my head?

Ugh.

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